I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I forget how to act sober
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
