At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
