so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
