there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
