I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
