And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She made me pour olive oil on her.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
