Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
