You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
