9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
