nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
