The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
