Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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