Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
