I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
