Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
