I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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