Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
