You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
