You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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