all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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