She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
