I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
