i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
