this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
