matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
