he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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