If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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