I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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