I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
