Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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