Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My dick has a subreddit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina is very pro this idea
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
