Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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