I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
