I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
