Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
