I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
