beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
