Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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