when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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