perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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