He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
