This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
