butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
