So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
