in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
