do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
