that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
