I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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