we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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