Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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