Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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