you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
