just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
