is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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