you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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