tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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