Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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